New Order Friday, Aug 27 2010 

Things that Isaiah, my father, my cousin Davin and I have discovered whilst in Florida.

– GPS sattelites are designed to make you go through all the tolls. Also, they’re bitches.

– Cartoons have changed since Davin and I were watching them.

– “Cute” is the girl way of saying “gangsta”.

– The Golden Corral has “strict policies”. They too are bitches.

– Isaiah has incestual feelings for Davin.

– Riding the hotel’s hand trolleys is a good way of showing them how you feel about their establishment.

– Wet carpets not only smell like shit; they’re quite slippery.

– Davin looks like a starving female with his shirt off.

– “Skank” is indeed a loving term.

~

Just a little something to tide you over.

Also, I’m sorry if you thought this would be about the band New Order. It’s not.

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Don’t Hate Me, But… Saturday, Aug 21 2010 

I just ate a baby.

~

In other news…

I had a totally rad blog post planned and it fell apart. I’m sorry. The next blog post won’t be until September 3rd, probably.

Yeah. I know. I’m failing you.

The upside to this is that I’m going to Florida, and will most likely have some outrageous Florida stories to tell you guys when I get back. And if nothing happens, I’ll kill someone on my last day. That should spice things up.

~

Um… So this isn’t totally irrelevant, wanna listen to me whine about how I wanna be sterilized but practically no doctors are willing to do it unless you’re like 30 and already have children?

Fuck fuck fuck.

I DON’T WANT A BABY/PARASITE INSIDE ME GOD DAMMIT. I will do anything to make sure that doesn’t happen. (Pro-choice, natch).

Anyway. I wanna adopt a sweet little eight year old who knows how to read, write, and is potty trained. Skip all the baby bullshit.

Yeah, that’s kind of lazy. But fuck it.

I have a life to live.

Time for a rant. Thursday, Aug 12 2010 

Hey. There are these books out— maybe you’ve heard of them?

I thought so.

 Were you aware that they’re being made into movies?

Yeah?

Well, then maybe you already knew that the last book, Breaking Dawn, is being adapted into two movies, instead of one.

And, maybe when you found that out, you flipped your shit.

"They're doing WHAAAT?!"

I know I did.
“Why?” You ask. “The last book is so complex and couldn’t POSSIBLY fit into one movie!”
(I hope you didn’t actually say that. For your sake.)
Anyway. Let’s get into why I think that’s bullshit.
Twilight
 
This is probably the worst book of the series, and we all know why. 300 pages of “Edward is soooo mysterious” does not an intriguing story make.
“But, Chey,” you laugh, “You still read it!”
WELL,  I ALMOST DIDN’T. If not for the fact that I was at my grandmother’s house, (and as with every old person’s house, there is usually jack shit to do), I would’ve put the book down right around page 200.
Thankfully, I read the whole thing and was rewarded with the most interesting scene in the book: Bella getting the shit kicked out of her.
And I’m not even saying that to be cute. I’m saying that because it’s the only thing that happened.
The movie follows the book closely enough, in that it’s boring, Bella gets the shit kicked out of her, and you feel nothing while watching it. It’s the total book experience, shortened to two hours!
New Moon
 
I enjoyed New Moon to an extent. While the whole part with the Volturi slowed things down, it was a better story, but it could’ve been even better if it was 1/4 shorter. At least.
 
Eclipse
 
My least favorite. This was the book that started switching to the POV of Jacob, (something that was carried on to Breaking Dawn), and there’s one little problem with that:
I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT JACOB OR HIS WHINY WEREWOLF FRIENDS. I read Twilight to read about fucking Bella. No one else. (Which is why I’m not reading that stupid Second Life of Bree Whoever shit).
~
The films thus far have been following the pattern of ‘turning long ass boring books into long ass boring movies.’
I was hoping that would all change with
Breaking Dawn, thankfully, has conflict and shit happening throughout the book, which would make for an interesting movie.
Except, you know, they’re dragging it out into TWO movies. All for money. Those fucking bastards.
~
BTW— Next week’s blog post will be on Wednesday, not Thursday. Cuz I’m gonna be busy. DEAL WITH IT!!!

Well, now. Thursday, Aug 5 2010 

This is a lovely McDonald’s ad from France:

(Don’t worry, it’s subtitled).

I was prepared to rant about how you’d never see a commercial like this in America, and then I saw something.

It was an ad  by KY, [yeah, the lube], (can’t find a photo :/), showcasing “one of America’s top couples”— and it was two dudes.

A quote from the ad: “We were looking for a relationship built on communication, trust, and intimacy, and… from the… time we read their essay to… when they walked in the room for the photo shoot, their love shone through… They’re inspiring!”

It’s a start.

~

(Also, while on the subject, Prop 8/Hate was overturned! Yaaay for California! Now can we do the rest of the US? Or at least NJ?)