WARNING: This is an “adult” blog post, meaning adult topics are tackled and adult pictures are shown.
I’m not saying you have to be an adult to look at ’em, but make sure that no one who will judge you is looking over your shoulder.
So it’s 8 PM and you’re sitting in your studio apartment and you’re feeling antsy.
Although, others would just call it horny.
You’ve got a bit of a problem, now. Your internet’s been shut off, and the sexy shows don’t come on until later.
So, you grab your jacket, head out the door, and walk on over to the local
You’ve been before, so you know where to find what you’re looking for.
Ah, aisle 3, home of the blow-up dolls.
God bless them. You’ve never bought one before, but you’re hoping it’ll do the trick for at least tonight.
You remind yourself just low your funds are and head over to the cheaper dolls. Why, here’s one—
EGAD. You shudder on over to the slightly more expensive dolls, deciding it might just be worth it to spend the extra money…
This is not a great start. Not only does this doll look like she’s been beat into next week with the ugly stick, she’s also got awkwardly high genitalia.
But she’s holding a penis pump. So that’s kind of cool.
You continue on, hoping to find something not nearly so erection-killing.
Well now. Look at this box:
‘My Baby Got Back’, eh? You figure it’s safe to assume that this doll must have a large ass. You’re no Sir Mix-A-Lot, but it’ll be a plus.
Well now. Not only is that ass not huge, it’s not even average. It’s just…
Onto the next girl.
My word, is that a tampon? Damn fetishists.
You look to the next doll, beginning to wonder what sort of monsters purchase these things.
Hm. Honestly, this girl’s sort of lacking in the boob department, comparitively speaking.
Even the ‘Barely Legal’ doll’ is better.
You blandly scroll through the next dolls, mentally making notes on why they’re unacceptable.
Curtains don’t match the carpet.
Afflicted with Down’s Syndrome.
OK, fuck this shit. FUCK. THIS SHIT. You stomp your way over to the ‘novelty’ dolls, hoping to just grab something cheap you can pass off as a gag gift to your friends.
Hey, this doesn’t look so bad… You step closer.
Hm… Her nails are oddly realistic…
AND HER EYES ARE FUCKING SOULLESS MAGAZINE CUTOUTS OF REAL EYES.
With a havy heart, you look to the most expensive doll…
… and promptly walk out in search of a hooker.