Awhile back, I began to cultivate a list of my favorite movies. Because apparently I have way too much time on my hands.

Time. On my hands.

Time. On my hands.

In an attempt to not let that, (still unfinished), list go to waste, I’ve decided to start a new feature on the blog! It’s called, ‘My Favorite Movies,’ where I’ll showcase three movies and rant and rave about how amazing and life changing they are and how you should go watch them right now.

You know my movie choices are good because, as anyone who knows me will tell you, I am the most critical person in the fucking world

LET’S DO THIS

The Strangers (2008)

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The Strangers is a horror movie, and, as those of you who love horror movies probably already know, the vast majority of them suck unbearable ass. So it’s always nice to find one that doesn’t.

The general gist of the movie is that a couple in a little house in the middle of nowhere is being savaged by a trio of mask wearing freaks.

Oh goodie.

I can’t imagine this ending well.

A lot of people have problems with the movie because, on the surface, it takes a bit more of suspension of disbelief than your usual popcorn fare would. The events that occur in the movie could have been easily avoided if

A) Their house wasn’t in the middle of fucking nowhere

B) The freaky mask trio didn’t have some sort of unexplained super speed

and

C) The couple wasn’t unbelievably and un-apologetically stupid.

But those are pretty much the tenets of any good horror movie. Half the fun of horror movies is screaming at the screen, “TURN AROUND, BITCH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING– OH MY GOD. MAYBE YOU WOULD HAVE LIVED IF YOU HAD JUST LISTENED TO MY SAGE ADVICE.”

The movie is also pretty darn creepy and will totally put you off houses in the middle of nowhere for the rest of your life.

Casa de mi Padre (2012)

Casa_de_Mi_Padre

On to lighter fare! Casa de mi Padre is a comedy starring Will Ferrell, who we all know by now, is flipping hilarious.

And did I mention it’s entirely in Spanish?

It's totally as ridiculous as it looks.

It’s totally as ridiculous as it looks.

It’s a parody of low-budget Spanish grindhouse films with a dash of classic telenovela craziness sprinkled in for good measure. The plot follows Will Ferrell’s character, whose brother, a drug dealer, returns home to introduce his family to his fiancee, Sonia, and brings along a whole mess of crazy with him.

The majority of that crazy is spurred on by Sonia’s incredibly sexy uncle, la Onza, (who is played by the incredibly sexy Gael Garcia Bernal).

Try not to faint.

Try not to faint.

Not into dudes? It’s cool, Sonia’s quite a looker herself.

Here's the pair looking suave together.

Here’s the pair looking suave together.

The movie is full of intentional continuity errors sure to make you giggle, along with other cute winks to the supposed low budget-ness of the film. While it’s hard to explain just how hilarious/ridiculous the dialogue is, if you’ve got the line, “crazy shit-eating monster babies,” in your movie, you can probably rest assured that it’s a true work of art.

Possessed (2000)

Possessed-DVD_cover

I’m almost entirely convinced that I am the only person on this Earth to have ever watched Possessed. (I’ve actually watched it twice AND I OWN IT, so hats off to me). It’s a made for TV Showtime horror/drama based on the same events the movie The Exorcist is based on. This movie takes a more realistic approach, staying truer to the original events that took place in the 1940’s.

But all that is really just a front for the love story between the two priests in the movie that completely steals the show.

These guys are about as gay as it gets.

These guys are about as gay as it gets.

Father Bowdern, (on the right), is an alcoholic priest suffering from PTSD, a disorder he picked up during his time in France during World War II.

Father McBride, (on the left), is madly in love with him.

Father McBride, seen here wishing he knew how to quit Father Bowdern.

Father McBride, wishing he knew how to quit Father Bowdern.

Father Bowdern is the priest who handles the central possession and subsequent exorcism in the film, and Father McBride is pretty much his lovelorn stalker. Whether Father Bowdern is being thrown in jail, attacked by the possessed kid, or simply moping around in parks, Father McBride is instantly there, like a knight in shining gay armor.

Father Bowdern, wishing Father McBride was around to wipe his ass for him.

Father Bowdern, wishing Father McBride was around to wipe his ass for him.

Does Father Bowdern ever come around and return Father McBride’s advances? Watch the movie and find out for yourself!

Spoiler: He does.

Spoiler: He totally does.

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