Three Things I Learned While Living With an Englishman Wednesday, Mar 16 2011 

For about a year, we, (as in my family), lived with Nick, the titular Englishman. Here’s a picture of him.

He's so sweet.

Anyway, living with dirty foreigners can, at times, be enlightening. Here’s some things I picked up.

1. Imitating Accents is Very Obnoxious

Oh my Lord. I never really thought about this before meeting Nick, because I was never very good at faking accents anyway. But after seeing how the kids he taught soccer to constantly made him audience to their best Harry Potter imitations, I revised my way of thinking.

(He didn’t even hit any of them! I was impressed.)

2. Christmas Crackers are the Best Thing in the World

No...

 

FUCK YES.

 

Christmas crackers are these amazing… Things… That you rip apart with someone, (like a wishbone), and a prize pops out.

They're usually shitty.

However, they also come with jokes and a paper crown. So there’s that.
3. People From the Motherland, (As I affectionately refer to it), Drink. A lot.
 
Was I worried, when, one day, I found the fridge surprisingly filled to the brim with beer?

Obviously this is not my fridge because Nick doesn't drink any of that swill.

No.
I was however, worried, when the fridge stood like that for the next year or so.
~
Phew, that wasn’t so bad, was it? I’m gonna be ballsy and say, ta-da, my blog is back on track with your weekly Thursday updates. Suggestions on shit to blog about would be helpful.

a little story. Wednesday, Nov 10 2010 

While sitting in the office of my guidance counselor, and hooking up my admission forms, I got stuck on a question.

The following conversation ensued:

Me: … What should I put for ‘special talents’?

-silence-

Me: Like, what are my special talents?

Mme Andrea: I don’t know! You tell me.

-long uncomfortable silence-

Me: I don’t know.

Mme Andrea: What do you do in your spare time? What are you good at?

Me: … I can write. That’s about it.

Mme Andrea: Okay, what do you write about?

Me: Cr- crazy stuff, -nervous laugh-

(It is important to note that at this point, I could think of no story other than ‘issues’).

Mme Andrea: Like..?

Me: Like… Incest…

-short pause-

Me: And– and rape…

Mme Andrea: Alright let’s not emphasize that.

<3

NaNoWriMo! Wednesday, Oct 27 2010 

November is a big month for me this year.

– My birthday is on the 13th :)

– Thanksgiving! Cooking+Eating= Very happy Cheyanne!

– I’m participating in NaNoWriMo, (National Novel Writing Month).

That’s right, bitches… I’m writing a novel :D

I’ve gotta get 50,000 words down by the end of November! AGH. So I won’t be reading any of it over. Idk if I’ll post it on Facebook… Or even reach the neccesary word count xD

What the novel will be about:

– It’ll be a re-worked version of an older, unfinished story

– Vampires are involved :D

Really sexy vampires :)

Unsexy vampire :(

– The writing/story will be totally flowery and indulgent so that I’ll be extra motivated to write…
-My grades this month will most likely suffer lmao! OH FUCKIN’ WELL.

True Talk Friday, Sep 3 2010 

A convo through texts.

~

Stuff you should know: Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are actors on the show True Blood.

The title of this blog post suddenly makes sense.

They play the characters Sookie and Bill, (respectively), who are an item.

~

Me: Guess what happened this weekend?

Dad: What

Me: Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer got married!

Dad: Who’s that

Me: Bill from True Blood!

Dad: No wonder they be humping like crazy on that show

Me: Lmao. Yeah, they met on the show

Dad: Sounds pervy

Me: Nah man, they official now

Dad: And yet she was texting me all weekend… Someone is a ho -_-

Me: lol! I WISH you would marry Anna Paquin

Dad: Sounds like we are 1 murder away from the perfect family

Me: Who would play Bill, then? You? After he turned Hispanic and gained 100 pounds?

Dad: Really Chey? 100 pounds? You take everything too far

Me: xD I’m just saying, Bill’s pretty lean…

Dad: And I’m pretty fat? You’re such a bastard

~

Everyday with this :)

New Order Friday, Aug 27 2010 

Things that Isaiah, my father, my cousin Davin and I have discovered whilst in Florida.

– GPS sattelites are designed to make you go through all the tolls. Also, they’re bitches.

– Cartoons have changed since Davin and I were watching them.

– “Cute” is the girl way of saying “gangsta”.

– The Golden Corral has “strict policies”. They too are bitches.

– Isaiah has incestual feelings for Davin.

– Riding the hotel’s hand trolleys is a good way of showing them how you feel about their establishment.

– Wet carpets not only smell like shit; they’re quite slippery.

– Davin looks like a starving female with his shirt off.

– “Skank” is indeed a loving term.

~

Just a little something to tide you over.

Also, I’m sorry if you thought this would be about the band New Order. It’s not.

Time for a rant. Thursday, Aug 12 2010 

Hey. There are these books out— maybe you’ve heard of them?

I thought so.

 Were you aware that they’re being made into movies?

Yeah?

Well, then maybe you already knew that the last book, Breaking Dawn, is being adapted into two movies, instead of one.

And, maybe when you found that out, you flipped your shit.

"They're doing WHAAAT?!"

I know I did.
“Why?” You ask. “The last book is so complex and couldn’t POSSIBLY fit into one movie!”
(I hope you didn’t actually say that. For your sake.)
Anyway. Let’s get into why I think that’s bullshit.
Twilight
 
This is probably the worst book of the series, and we all know why. 300 pages of “Edward is soooo mysterious” does not an intriguing story make.
“But, Chey,” you laugh, “You still read it!”
WELL,  I ALMOST DIDN’T. If not for the fact that I was at my grandmother’s house, (and as with every old person’s house, there is usually jack shit to do), I would’ve put the book down right around page 200.
Thankfully, I read the whole thing and was rewarded with the most interesting scene in the book: Bella getting the shit kicked out of her.
And I’m not even saying that to be cute. I’m saying that because it’s the only thing that happened.
The movie follows the book closely enough, in that it’s boring, Bella gets the shit kicked out of her, and you feel nothing while watching it. It’s the total book experience, shortened to two hours!
New Moon
 
I enjoyed New Moon to an extent. While the whole part with the Volturi slowed things down, it was a better story, but it could’ve been even better if it was 1/4 shorter. At least.
 
Eclipse
 
My least favorite. This was the book that started switching to the POV of Jacob, (something that was carried on to Breaking Dawn), and there’s one little problem with that:
I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT JACOB OR HIS WHINY WEREWOLF FRIENDS. I read Twilight to read about fucking Bella. No one else. (Which is why I’m not reading that stupid Second Life of Bree Whoever shit).
~
The films thus far have been following the pattern of ‘turning long ass boring books into long ass boring movies.’
I was hoping that would all change with
Breaking Dawn, thankfully, has conflict and shit happening throughout the book, which would make for an interesting movie.
Except, you know, they’re dragging it out into TWO movies. All for money. Those fucking bastards.
~
BTW— Next week’s blog post will be on Wednesday, not Thursday. Cuz I’m gonna be busy. DEAL WITH IT!!!

Well, now. Thursday, Aug 5 2010 

This is a lovely McDonald’s ad from France:

(Don’t worry, it’s subtitled).

I was prepared to rant about how you’d never see a commercial like this in America, and then I saw something.

It was an ad  by KY, [yeah, the lube], (can’t find a photo :/), showcasing “one of America’s top couples”— and it was two dudes.

A quote from the ad: “We were looking for a relationship built on communication, trust, and intimacy, and… from the… time we read their essay to… when they walked in the room for the photo shoot, their love shone through… They’re inspiring!”

It’s a start.

~

(Also, while on the subject, Prop 8/Hate was overturned! Yaaay for California! Now can we do the rest of the US? Or at least NJ?)

Wow. Friday, Jul 30 2010 

Let’s chalk it up to supreme laziness— I haven’t posted anything in a bazillion years, it feels like.

And it’s not cuz I don’t like doing it. I do. But it’s like I said— summer inspires me to be even lazier than normal. God knows why; it’s not like I’m doing much else. It’s odd.

Anyway. Onto an interesting topic.

I need to write a novel.

 

 

Like this, except with MY name at the bottom.

 

If I’m ever going to publish anything, novels are where it’s at. Nobody’s gonna publish a set of odd, un-related short stories from some other nobody.

But that seems to be all I can do.

***

So as to keep blog posts more interesting and frequent, I’ve started a list of potential topics.

They vary greatly, from

to

Oh yes.

… -_- Sunday, Jul 4 2010 

So, I feel like Ridley minus the cute nurse, (a.k.a. Samuel). I’m sick, sick, SICK!

SIIIIICK, I TELL YOU! GOD DAMMIT!

I don’t think I have anything really worth while to say. Didn’t I just tell you; I’m sick?! Jeez.

I’m gonna start a new story soon. Idk what it’ll be about. Suggestions?

Ugh… Thursday, Jun 24 2010 

Feeling like this:

I wonder if monotony makes me depressed, or if everything seems more monotonous because I’m depressed.

Thoughts?

~

In other news…

These make me happy.

Sounds fair...

Makes me think of my stories...

Something my dad would say.

How true.

Where was this book during my childhood?

A situation I commonly find myself in.

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