Date One of My Biases! Sunday, Aug 11 2013 

So tonight, I finally finished my first game. Go me! I started this last year, worked on it for about a day, and then promptly forgot about it. I finally remembered it tonight, so I figured I should finish it up and put it out there for the world to enjoy.

It’s a short, completely ridiculous dating sim based around bedding my favorite k-pop idols. Click the link below to download it and get playing! I apologize in advance for any formatting issues/ugliness that occurs– PowerPoint loads differently on different computers, so things may look a little odd on your end.

Date One of Cheyanne’s Biases!

Once you’ve got the PowerPoint open on your computer, I would suggest going to the Slideshow tab, clicking ‘Set up SlideShow,’ and making sure the Slideshow is in Kiosk mode to prevent accidental clicks that might throw you off while you try to play the game.

Enjoy!

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2 Dream Jobs That I Will Never Get Because of the Internet Friday, Oct 21 2011 

(Doesn’t this blog title just roll off the tongue?) /sarcasm/

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1. Writer for a video game magazine

I am obsessed with video games. Creating my own, playing others, reading about them, thinking about them, talking with others about the industry as a whole… And also, I’m fairly okay at writing. So what’s the problem?

Also I don't look like this.

When I was younger, my parents had a subscription to Electronic Gaming Monthly. It was the best magazine ever, and we all devoured it every month.

That is, until EGM went out of business.*

And then, other magazines started going out of business too. You’ve probably noticed some of your favorite periodicals shutting down too. It’s practically an epidemic at this point– and I hope I don’t have to explain the cause to you. Because you’re literally looking it in the face.

Yes, with blogs and online articles and all that good shit, no one really needs to buy magazines anymore. Yes, magazines are awesome, but you can probably find the same information in them online, at multiple sites, and probably more quickly too.

So, while I would be awesome at it… There’s not much market for it.

*EGM actually managed to overcome its economic issues and is continuing to print issues. Don’t expect that to last too long, though…

2. Sex toy store employee, (or even owner or manager!)

The picture above is of Babeland, one of the recent, more legit sex toy shops to crop up in the last decade or so. I know, when most people think of sex toy shops, they think of something scuzzy looking, like this:

But thankfully, some very nice ladies who were into sex toys and feminism and helping chicks explore their sexuality decided to open some cool stores. I’m hip! I love talking about sex toys and sex in general, and educating people about it. Trust me, I’d be a shoo-in for the job. I had this book when I was four:

I’ve been training for this for pretty much my whole life.

But, again, there is the internet to consider… And dillish people.

First off, there are only four Babeland stores in existence. Three of them are in New York. Many states actually have laws against the selling and purchasing of sex toys, BECAUSE THOSE STATES ARE RUN BY FUCKING ASSHOLES.

I'm looking at you, Alabama.

So there’s that. But, perhaps even the most obvious reason is…

People generally don’t want to be seen walking into a sex toy shop. Or be seen buying a sex toy. Or be seen walking home with a sex toy. Or be seen using a sex toy. (Okay, that last one is understandable).

So of course, most people will turn to the internet for their needs. Meaning, unless I start sucking tons of dick at Babeland, or Early2Bed, (which won’t work because they’re all run by chicks), then I’m screwed.

~

But it’s not all gloom and doom. Fortunately, there are many other career paths I can take, and even many jobs that the internet has made possible.

I just can’t think of any.

Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain (Pt. 2) Thursday, Apr 28 2011 

Ariel tells Kain to go after Azimuth, the Guardian of the Pillar of Dimension, next. She’s currently ruling the theocracy of Avernus– so Kain goes over there, ready to get his murder on.

Azimuth. Could you imagine someone like the Pope in a get-up like this?!

Once he gets there, he discovers even more Hylden swarming about. All the townspeople have been killed by the monsters, and the remaining few are assumedly in dire straits.

Kain makes his way to the cathedral Azimuth lives in, and finds a creepy tome alluding to a cult based around the worship of the god Hash’ak’gik. The passage also alludes that there’s been some ritual human sacrifice to the god going on.

Because, really, who doesn't love ritual human sacrifice?

In the next room, however, Kain finds it… The Soul Reaver! It’s a super powerful sword of sexiness that forcefully seperates it’s victims souls from their bodies… And consumes it. It has other nifty features as well, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

After some more exploring, Kain finally stumbles upon Azimuth and finds that she was summoning the Hylden, along with Anarcrothe. He kills her and finds a Time-Streaming Device among her possessions. (I know, I know; “WTF IS A ‘TIME-STREAMING DEVICE’?” Kain doesn’t know either. You’ll find out in due time).

 Upon returning to Ariel for further counsel, Ariel tells Kain that he must stop The Nemesis next. The Nemesis is the army of William the Just, who apparently became corrupted by power and decided to stop being ‘Just’, and start an empire. Now The Nemesis is moving across Nosgoth, getting their conquer on.

Kain however, being just one vampire, is skeptical as to how he alone is supposed to stop an entire army. But Ariel has a solution: Kain will go to Willendorf, and convince King Ottmar to militarize against the oncoming Nemesis. So Kain goes to do that, but there’s one problem– the King is utterly distraught by his daughter’s sudden coma.

Yup, looks pretty distraught to me.

 

Apparently, the King held a contest for his daughter’s birthday: whoever made her the best doll for her would get a royal favor. The winner is Elzevir, the dollmaker, (which makes sense I guess). All he wants is a lock of the princess’ hair, and, (because no one finds this creepy at all), he gets it. Soon after, the princess entered her coma.

Seriously? You'd trust a guy who looked like that?

One does not have to be a genius to infer that Elzevir probably has something to do with the princess’ condition, and the army is scattered around looking for him. Kain figures things will go faster if he goes to kick the dollmaker’s ass himself, so he does. It turns out that Elzevir had trapped the princess’ soul in the doll– the King’s sorcerors are able to use it to return the princess’ soul to her.

Kain asks Ottmar to call back his troops so they can march against the Nemesis. Otmmar does so, but there’s one problem– they lose. Horribly. Everybody’s dead, and, at a loss, Kain uses the Time-Streaming Device, hoping that it’ll do something useful.

*

Kain finds himself on the same battlefield he once stood on, but without all the dead bodies and stuff. He’s gone fifty years into the past, and Moebius, Guardian of the Pillar of Time, is just a few yards away, rallying a crowd to rise agains the vampires, (which there are very few of left to begin with). 

Moebius, sexiest Guardian of The Circle, no doubt.

Kain decides to go after William the Just and kill him, so he can’t become the Nemesis in the future. Once he arrives at William’s castle, however, he comes upon an odd scene. William and Moebius are talking to each other, and Moebius tells William that a vampire, (Kain), is going to attack him. He also gives William a weapon to defend himself with. Kain storms in and finds that the weapon Moebius gave William is the Soul Reaver!

But you still have your Soul Reaver, as well. The thing about the Soul Reaver is, it exists outside of the time. That’s how sexy it is. It also allows for and can cause paradoxes in the timeline. It is the only object able to do so.

Even with the Soul Reaver, William is no match for Kain.

Here's a cute stained glass window illustrating the event.

However, William’s guards see Kain kill him. Kain thinks nothing of this and goes to the next room, where he finds another, very-conviently placed Time-Streaming Device. He uses it and is sent fifty years into the future– back to the original timeline, except, no Nemesis!

But something is awry. Kain smells vampire blood and finds that the source of it is an execution– of Vorador! Moebius looks on as Vorador is beheaded, and then fingers Kain as being the last vampire remaining. In the fifty years since William’s murder by a vampire, (Kain), Moebius has managed to convince the humans to exterminate every vampire in existence, and they’ve been pretty successful.

Posing as the Oracle; leaving the Time-Streaming Devices in Kain’ path; giving William the Soul Reaver– Moebius has been manipulating Kain from the very beginning, just so this outcome could be reached. Upon realizing all of this, Kain finds that he is not amused and beheads Moebius with his sword.

Kain returns to the Pillars and sees Mortanius and Anarcrothe, the remaining guardians, arguing. Mortanius understands that all the guardians must die so that the corruption can be flushed out– so he kills Anarcrothe. Kain then reveals himself and kills Mortanius. Yay! Mission accomplished. All the Guardians are dead… Or are they?

As soon as Kain turns his back, Mortanius rises again, possessed by the Hylden Lord. He is the one who originally killed Ariel, causing the corruption in the first place.

Plus he's quite evil looking.

 

Kain kills him too, and Ariel comes to Kain with a choice. As it turns out, Kain is the new Guardian of the Pillar of Balance. He has been since his birth, because Ariel died at the same time. However, since he’s been a Guardian all this time, he has been corrupted all this time, just like the other Guardians.

His choice is this: die, and allow Nosgoth to become balanced again, or continue living and let Nosgoth fall into further decay.

Now, I don’t know if you noticed– but Kain kills a lot, and he only does things because people order him around to. To tell the truth, Kain really doesn’t give two shits about Nosgoth– he’s the last of his race and he’s been manipulated long enough. He chooses to continue living, and the game ends with him choosing the decaying Pillars as his new throne.

Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain (Pt. 1) Wednesday, Apr 20 2011 

Before the game actually begins, some events occur:

 
– Ariel, the guardian of the Pillar of Balance, is murdered. Her lover, Nupraptor, (also guardian of the Pillar of the Mind), thus goes crazy. His insanity affects the Pillars of Balance and the Mind, (which then poison Nosgoth), and all the Pillars began to break down. This break in the Pillars also allows the Hylden passage into Nosgoth; (the Pillars normally act like a lock, keeping the Hylden away). Not good.
 

Broken pillar :(

 – A scene from long ago is shown, which depicts the ancient vampire Vorador killing Sarafan priests. The protector of the Sarafan, Malek, shows up too late to save them, and is punished by Mortanius, the Guardian of the Pillar of Death. Mortanius melds Malek’s soul to his armor, ensuring that he will serve the Sarafan forever.

Poor guy.

And then, the events of the actual game begin!

Our main character, Kain, is murdered by some thugs and is brought back to life as a vampire by Mortanius.

He can do that cuz he's a necromancer, duh.

Kain quickly realizes his newfound vampirism is a curse, and he wants to a cure– NOW!

He goes to the Pillars and comes across the ghost of Ariel, who tells him there is no cure for his condition; only release. She suggests he can gain peace by curing Nosgoth, which can be achieved by killing the current, corrupted Guardians of the Pillars.

How could you not trust someone who looks like that?

Kain agrees to carry out this duty and Ariel leaves him with the warning, “Beware the Unspoken;” whatever that means!

Kain sets off to kill Nupraptor first. However, Kain is unable to kill Malek, protector of the Circle, who was with him. So Kain goes to the Oracle for advice. After rambling about ‘King Ottomar’ and the ‘Nemesis’, (whatever those could be!), the Oracle tells Kain to visit Vorador and ask him for advice, seeing how he fought Malek all those years ago.

So Kain goes to Vorador’s mansion.

Vorador is one of those dill vampires who likes to say things like, “This is our gift! We are gods! Remember the good old days when vampires used to just kill whoever they wanted?”

He's a bit of a dick, basically.

Kain holds Vorador in contempt, but is intrigued. Vorador offers Kain a ring that will summon him at will. With this in hand, Kain sets off to continue his systematic muder of the Circle of Nine. (The Guardians of the Pillars).

As Kain nears a tower where some of the Circle are hiding out, he encounters several strange monsters. It’s the Hylden! Oh noes! He kills them.

Here's a picture of Kain, btw, in case you were wondering wtf he looked like.

 Once inside the tower, Kain finds three guardians– DeJoule, Bane, and Anarcrothe. With them is Malek. Kain calls upon Vorador to take care of Malek, and Kain kills the remaining guardians, save Anarcrothe, who escapes.

Five guardians down, (Ariel, Nupraptor, Malek, DeJoule, and Bane), four to go!

Intro to the Legacy of Kain Videogames Wednesday, Apr 13 2011 

For starters, I’m aware that there was no post last week. Were you aware that I had no internet? Hmph.

~

I looove videogames, okay? Even the mediocre ones.

But not the ass ones.

A series of exceptionally good games are the Legacy of Kain games. They involve…

Vampires...

Time travel...

One cool-ass sword...

And whatever the fuck that is.

The games take place in the fictional land of Nosgoth. These are the Pillars of Nogoth:

Sexy, no?

They stretch to the heavens and keep Nosgoth healthy. If someone took an axe to them, a minus wave would spread across the land, and, basically, BAD SHIT WOULD GO DOWN.

To prevent shit like that, each Pillar has a Guardian. The Guardian becomes spritually and mentally linked to their Pillar, and they… You know… Guard it.

Now for some Nosgoth-ian history! Take notes; THERE WILL BE A TEST BITCHES.

(I’m lying).

But anyway, waay back in the day, there were three groups:

  • The Sarafan
  • The Vampires
  • The Hylden

The Sarafan were human priests, who really, really hated the vampires because they thought they were EVIL. The Sarafan hunted a bunch of vampires down and killed them all. A few managed to go into hiding.

The Vampires are exactly that, vampires.

The Hylden are mysterious beings/demon-like things not native to Nosgoth. They’re from another dimension, and they manage to enter Nosgoth through rips in the time-space cloth, basically. Whenever BAD SHIT GOES DOWN, they’re usually around, making things worse.

Because theyre assholes.

That concludes Nosgoth History 101. Return next time to find out the events that go down in the orgasmic first game!

(Just smile and pretend like you care, please).

This is Just all Over the Place. Thursday, Mar 31 2011 

(WHY DID I SAY I WAS GONNA UPDATE THIS WEEKLY FML I HATE YOU GUYS).

Anyway.

~

It’s 11 PM and I’m feeling especially useless, so I’ll unload a big rant about things I’ve been thinking about, you’ll wonder why I’m a freak, and then next Thursday I’ll hope that you forgot I said I was gonna update weekly.

Let’s go!

~

I recently downloaded a new game! Dracula: Origin.

It’s hard as fuck and makes me feel stupid. But at the same time it’s super creepy and really fun :>

(I will cry when I beat it)…

~

I’ve been trying to pinpoint exactly what tattoo(s)/piercing(s) I want.

Maybe something like this...

Stuff I’m Positive I Want

– My video game tattoo (which I should really plan out already).

– Belly button piercing

– Industrial

Stuff I’m Still Considering

– Something for my left bicep possibly incorporating a fleur de lys

– Tongue piercing (Although I lisp enough as it is; so I’ll probably never do this).

BTW, something I hate: When people are like “Ew, don’t get that kind of tattoo/piercing it’s so >insert reason to dislike it<.” AND THEN A WEEK LATER THEY START SAYING HOW IT’S SUCH A COOL IDEA AND THEY’RE GONNA DO IT. Grrrrr.

~

Another thing I don’t like: When a friend of mine says something not PC and I don’t really want to correct them but at the same time I do.

I’ll just put it like this.

Stuff You Really Shouldn’t Say

1. “Slow,” as in, “God I got all these questions wrong, I’m so slow!”

2. “No homo.” (This one especially makes me want to hit people).

3. “She’s so pretty but she’s a lesbian!” (My face: -_-)

4. “She looks like a man.” (To be honest, this phrase is part of my vocabulary and I really need to fucking stop it).

5. “I think everyone is really bisexual.” This seems like such a harmless thing to say, but it’s a sweeping statement that just really isn’t true. Homosexuals are really homosexual and heterosexuals are really heterosexual. That’s it for them.

There’s other stuff, but that’s off the top of my head and I’m sleepy. Time for me to go to sleep and not be able to fall asleep for two hours.

Yay!