OCTOBER BOOK FEST Monday, Sep 8 2014 

I, like many others, don’t have much time to read nowadays, but this year I made a resolution to read at least 12 books. I’m not doing great with it, but the resolution has motivated me to read way more than I would have normally. Here’s the list of what I’ve read so far:

  1. A Lion’s Tale by Chris Jericho
  2. Undisputed: How to Become World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps by Chris Jericho
  3. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart
  4. The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker
  5. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

There’s so many great books out there, and so little time, and now October will soon be upon us, bringing with it three new books I totally want to read.

1. The Best in the World: At What I Have No Idea by Chris Jericho (October 14th, 2014)

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As you can probably tell from the list above, I really dig Chris Jericho’s memoirs. For those of you not in the know, Chris Jericho is a professional wrestler, and an all around magnet for crazy situations. Here’s a tiny sampling:

  • Being robbed at gunpoint in Mexico
  • Getting into a fistfight with THIS guy:

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  • Tripping and falling into THIS guy’s arms:

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And like I said, that’s just a tiny sampling of the entertaining randomness Chris Jericho often finds himself caught up in. His books are breezy reads and hilarious. He also doesn’t beat around the bush and is very honest about the behind the scenes going-ons at WWE. I’m very much looking forward to devouring his next piece.

2. Prince Lestat by Anne Rice (October 28th, 2014)

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-screams for ten complete minutes-

I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THIS IS A THING THAT IS HAPPENING and I probably won’t really believe it until I get to hold a copy in my grimy little hands. I’ve always loved The Vampire Chronicles, and the idea of a new one, eleven years after what was supposed to be the conclusion, excites me to no end, even though I have a really, really dirty secret:

I’ve never actually finished The Vampire Chronicles.

I KNOW, I KNOW. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.

I’ve tried plenty of times! I’ve read Interview With the Vampire probably around ten times, (and it’s PHENOMENAL every time), but then I move on to The Vampire Lestat, and… I can’t finish it. It’s so freaking sad that I literally cannot bear it. Really. It bums me the fuck out and I always set it down in the same spot. I’VE TRIED THREE TIMES, NOW.

When I first heard about Prince Lestat in August of this year, I really wanted to try and burn through the chronicles to see if I could finish them in time for Prince Lestat, but I must’ve been smoking crack when I thought up that idea because it’s crazy talk. Still. I definitely need to finish this series already. Anne Rice is already planning a sequel to Prince Lestat, so maybe that can be my new deadline. 

3. As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales From the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes (October 14th, 2014)

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As anyone else who has seen The Princess Bride, I flipping love it. It’s a fantastic movie, and an even better book. (Seriously. The book is amazing). My favorite edition of the book is the 30th Anniversary edition, which includes a lengthy introduction by William Goldman, in which he expounds upon the making of The Princess Bride movie. I always recommend this edition to friends, who without fail, always whine, “Do I have to read the introduction?” 

Okay, I kinda get it. The intro’s like 20 pages long alone. But it’s ALSO ONE OF THE BEST PARTS OF THE BOOK. 

Because of my fervent love of that introduction, I can only hope that As You Wish… will deliver more awesome behind the scene stories. And even if it’s just a retread, or not all that great, it’s still a book about the making of The Princess Bride. I mean, when you’re buying books like this,

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you’re probably willing to give anything a try. (That book is actually pretty decent)!

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So there you have it! The October books I’m most excited for… I better not die before I get to read them!

Are you excited for any October releases? Have any of these piqued your interest?  

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An Ode to Wrestling Thursday, Sep 26 2013 

You probably have a cursory knowledge of wrestling. Like if I held a gun to your head and asked you to name three professional wrestlers, you could probably do it.

I have faith in you.

I have faith in you.

But could you tell me why wrestling is the best thing ever? Why you should devote your life to it and abandon everything else you hold dear? If not, don’t worry. I’m about to give you a primer on why watching wrestling should be your new favorite hobby.

(This primer is very WWE-centric).

1. IT IS CHOCK FULL OF ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE

Maybe it’s unfair, but you generally don’t get to be a famous wrestler if you’re ugly.

But sometimes it happens anyway.

But sometimes it happens anyway.

And even the ones that aren’t all that great looking in the face generally have rockin’ bods.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit A

And don’t worry, there’s plenty of fine looking chicks, too.

Exhibit B

Exhibit B

So even if you have no idea what the hell is going on, it’ll still be aesthetically pleasing.

2. SOAP-OPERATIC STORYLINES

But if you DO know what’s going on, your enjoyment of the product will shoot up into the sky, past space, and into some alien’s goddamn lap. Everyone knows wrestling storylines can get pretty crazy, and hella complicated.

For instance, a storyline that recently pulled at my heartstrings was the breakup of Team Rhodes Scholars, a tag team who had been competing together on and off for about a year.

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They finally broke up at the Money in the Bank pay per view, when Damian Sandow, (the guy on the left), betrayed Cody Rhodes, (the other guy), by stealing a win from him in one of the most important matches of the night, where they were battling over a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship.

You, the unassuming non-wrestling fan, might have been like, “Oh, that’s messed up. He stole his win.”

Me, the wrestling fan, THE TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS FAN, who had watched them go from

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to trying to beat the shit out of each other, was heartbroken. Absolutely devastated for the rest of the week night. But having only watched wrestling since April, you may be wondering how I was able to form such a connection. Well…

3a. WRESTLING IS REALLY, REALLY GAY

Like really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, gay.

But still not quite as gay as gay porn.

But still not quite as gay as gay porn.

This really surprised me when I first started watching wrestling because I always thought of it as really macho and assumed the main audience was young, heterosexual men… But then I started really watching wrestling and

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it just gets gayer and gayer

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the more I watch.

3b. TAG TEAMS ARE READY MADE FOR SHIPPING 

Rated RKO.

Rated RKO.

To add onto the gayness, tag teams, a constant in wrestling since 1901, (says Wikipedia), are basically just gay couples who happen to fight together against other gay couples.

When they’re not fighting, they’re either being adorable,

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or being SUPER ADORABLE.

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“Alright, Chey, I’m not into this gay shit,” you may be saying, if you were dropped on your head as a baby. “Is there anything else that’s good about wrestling?”

Luckily for you, there is.

4. COOL MOVES

One of the reasons wrestling is looked down on is because they’re not really beating each other up,* as opposed to sports like MMA or boxing. But since wrestling is more about entertainment than trying to kill each other, there’s more space for moves like this:

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All of that shit looks really cool, and you can enjoy it without the crippling guilt of wondering whether one of those guys will be able to walk tomorrow.

~

So, in conclusion, get off your ass and go start watching some wrestling right now or YOU WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOURSELF

*BUT wrestling is still one of the easiest ways to fuck yourself up forever. While the wrestlers try their best not to injure themselves and each other, injuries do occur, and ridiculous amounts of pain are par for the course. All you have to do is hear wrestlers and doctors describe getting slammed on the mat as enduring a “mini car-crash,” and you’ll understand why many wrestlers over the years have struggled with crippling drug and alcohol addictions.